Stop saying that.

“God will never give you more than you can handle.”  “You’re such a strong person.” “Keep your chin up and everything will work out.”

In the past 2 weeks my husband and I have been told these things repeatedly. Not only is the phrase, “God will never give you more than you can handle”, not biblical, it is also devastating for someone who does indeed have more than they can handle. When a person you met 30 seconds prior, tells you your child has cancer, it will in fact, be more than you can handle. When you repeatedly have to hold down your screaming child while they poke him, it will be more than you can handle. When your child goes into surgery and you return to an empty, deafeningly silent hospital room, it will be more than you can handle. When they hand you a 3″ binder full of information on your child’s cancer, it will be too much. When your child wakes at night in pain and there is nothing you can do about it, your heart will break. When they tell you your child will not make it through the next 12 weeks without at least one blood transfusion you will feel the walls crushing you.

I am not strong. Piles of laundry have brought me to tears. I wake each day just thinking of the next step because that is all I can bear. Cancer is too big, too much, but driving to the hospital I can handle. Then walking into the hospital. Having his port accessed. Step by step until we get to the end of the day. And taking it step by step, I still sob when I go to the bathroom.

I won’t even address the third comment. Because everything might not work out and that thought alone IS more than I can handle.

God never said that we wouldn’t have more than we could handle. He did promise to walk with us and help us carry the load. I carry the next step, He carries cancer. Sometimes this brings me comfort and if I am being honest, sometimes it doesn’t.  But I am clinging to that promise right now. I am weak, He is strong. I can’t handle cancer, but He can. Nothing, not even cancer, can separate us from His love.

 

 

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13 Comments Add yours

  1. I won’t even pretend to know the right words to say, but you have my love and support in whatever way you need it.

  2. I have no words but please know I am praying for you and your family. If there is anything at all I can do for you, maybe watch the older kiddos for a bit, please let me know.

  3. A Hot Mess says:

    I too wish I had some magical words of wisdom but I don’t. Sending you virtual hugs.

  4. nisha360 says:

    i will say a special prayer for your family tonight. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.

  5. 1959duke says:

    Its not the same thing but my and I lost 7 family members in 14 months. The only thing that got me through that was
    Psalm 30:5

    New International Version (NIV)

    5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
    but his favor lasts a lifetime;
    weeping may stay for the night,
    but rejoicing comes in the morning.

    1. olivebeans says:

      I am so very sorry for your losses. The night they told us our son had cancer, I laid next to him in his hospital bed and sobbed all night long. I finally drifted off and when I woke the first verse that came to mind was Psalms 30:5. I have had many teary nights but every morning I wake up with hope and joy!

      1. 1959duke says:

        It was my wife and I. When my dad died and had the nun read that verse. That was almost 5 years ago and I still miss him terribly. Only you know how you feel. His was the first who died. The second to last one was his older brother and by then my wife and I were emotionally done. I said that to my cousin ( his daughter). Then the last was my grandmother but she was 94. The advice I try to pass on to people is pretty simple. Its this thought. When you lay your head on your pillow at night you are the one that has to live with the choices you made that day. Hang in there!

  6. some guy says:

    I can certainly empathize, not just sympathize. My 4 year old just did surgery on her spine for a reoccurrance of Rhabdomyosarcoma. We will start chemo next week and another round of radiation. It looks like the next 8-10 months are going to suck greatly and there is not much else to say. The prognosis is “unfavorable” so I understand the frustration and anger you feel.

    I’m not the praying type, but I do wish that you find some level of peace a midst the chaos.

    1. olivebeans says:

      I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers will be with you as we walk down the same path. The location of my son’s cancer is unfavorable and a reoccurrance is my biggest fear. I wish I could say something more. I wish I could take their place.

      1. some guy says:

        Forgot to include my blog link. Ayellowwood.Wordpess.Com

  7. Kelsi says:

    Sending positive vibes your way and thinking about your family during his difficult time. I will hold my boy close tonight as I think of yours.

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